September 6: Reading and Writing

Well daily writing ... shmaily writing ...

Today I am reading "The World as I See it" by Albert Einstein.

Preamble -- This book does not contain Einsteins scientific writings but his personal views about all sorts of other things. Einstein was a pacifist, an idealist, and an introvert who believed profoundly in social systems, public service and the importance of the individual. These are things I knew prior to picking up his book, I also admit to holding the man in rather high esteem -- I have seldom met an Einstein quote I didn't like -- or fall in love with.

This being said, I am becoming increasingly aware as I read that I interpret his words through a biased perspective. I am inclined to interpret his words with favouritism and fondness. This tendancy does not allow for a "full" understanding of the words or their intent. It also leaves me rather vulnerable to persuasion. I am uncertain whether this can be fully avoided but I am challenging myself to endevour to be more "critical."

I should add that I am not reading Einstein's essays etc just for pleasure but out of a desire to learn more about the man, to make a sort of study out of his ideals, to perhaps create something out of that study. I chose Einstein because of my natural inclination toward his quotes, his introvertedness, his passion for the betterment of community (society). I would also like to shed some light on the context inwhich he write about God for my own confidence. I have a feeling, a niggling, poking feeling that this may lead me to a need to study God's own words on matters at hand as well.

September Reading - Day (another)

What I missed a day ... already ... (sigh)...

Well today was a perfect rainy cool day for reading and I bothered my husband (who was working from home) with many quotes from "Anna" -- perhaps he won't work from home as much anymore (that would be sad).

But due to the heft of my eyelids I must abbreviate thoughts:

- Tolstoy wrote intuitively about things which psychologist and psychiatrists have been working years to pin down as regards personality type, child development, motivation, and other things I can't find the right 'ology words for

- He writes without judgement, object perhaps but not judgement.

- He weaves it all together like fine linens, all smooth and flowing

I am beginning to understand his appeal.

Oh, and my husband made a font of my own handwriting today - 'is weird to see my scrawl on the screen.

September Reading

I've been thinking -- I tend to do that more than actually doing anything, except maybe wash dishes, I do wash a lot of dishes.

This is my thought -- I want to write here more often. I really do! In fact I want to challenge myself to writing everyday this month but I don't want to think too hard about what I am going to write about. I want a theme - a something to tie it all together.

And since I am reading a few books right now- yes, I have a number of them on the go - this happens to me - I thought I might write about what I read this month. It's my thought and I am going to try to stick to it.

The books on the go:

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
I am reading this because my husband and I have challenged each other to read two classic novels this year, something we haven't already read. I have never read any Tolstoy and was never previously interested, but his name pops up as an inspiration among other authors I like to read, amid the biographies of people I admire and so my curiosity piqued and I chose Anna as my first novel.
First thoughts: Amongst many other things, this book deals largely with infidelity -- not a topic I enjoy reading about however, and this is a tall however -- the writing is exquisite, so human, insightful, and real that I love reading it and I am a good way into it (pg. 244). I know it ends horribly sad but I am expecting that the journey to that point is poignant.

The World as I see It by Albert Einstein
I am reading this because I decided I wanted to learn more about Einstein. I plan to read his biography as well. I have long admired him but I can't with confidence say that I know enough about him to understand the context from which most of his "quotes" are pulled. Again this is somewhat of a personal challenge to study something, or in this case someone.

Small Changes by Elizabeth Small
I picked this up at Costco, I have seen the authors name before I was curious about her writing. This book is a collection of short fiction and I have a relatively new interest in short fiction. I have read the first few stories, it is slow going as I am taking Mavis Gallant's advice to read only one story a day (something she said in an interview). I will comment more as I read more.

Now I know I haven't listed my Bible here, well that is because I am not currently reading it. I want to, I do -- but I am not making a promise here that I am not currently able to keep. When I start - I will do it because I choose to and not out of my personal embarrassment, guilt and shame that I am not currently engaged in any kind of Bible reading.

Off to read, or to sleep which ever happens first.

today ...

Summer light is beginning to ebb and the day is shorter and cooler, last night's cool breeze carried a scent of autumn but I sit here today contented, neither rushing onward into the yellow and orange of fall or looking back over my shoulder for the white hot of summer.

I pause in this moment, taking it in, trying to infuse my bones with this almost serenity - feeling only slightly beleaguered by the undone things around me -- taking a moment to reflect on all that has transpired to bring this moment about.

Summer days filled with art classes, swimming lessons, a long road trip, a zoo visit, days at the park with family, days lying around doing nothing, nights star gazing, counting meteors, a gift of aurora borealis -- in all a summer to remember.

Ahead school beckons and the ideas roll in mostly complete, grounded in more experience and less uncertainty. Another child joins the ranks as official "student" -- she runs ahead of me already knowing and thus relieving the pressure to "have" to teach her. Exploration and examination and joy of discovery whet the appetite, set the tone, lay a path before us.

Life's momentum slows a little as we drift out of the high mountains of early childhood, and out onto these plains of kidness, (yes kid-ness).

Despite how often my agitation, and my irritability fall here on the page -- more days are like this one, more and more as I traverse this landscape of mothering, parenting, teachering, and personing.

Herds of days marching by onward to some unseen destination, some promise plagued only by the few predatory days needed to cull complacency, pride, hubris. (Oh, yes we have been watching Planet Earth -- I can't help but think of the parallels).

Electric

I feel electric ...
a buzzing irritation running along my lines ...
cycling from head to toe ...
touch me and you are likely to get zapped.

They are falling like flies ...
dodging and weaving under my radar ...
careful ...
but the two ..
the two initiates ...
the two too young to have learned as of yet that when mummy hums she is a live wire ....
dangerous and hot ...
frayed ...
fueled by her own guilt and shame and regret ...
in need of isolation ...
insulation ...
rest ...

I feel electric and in need of ground.

My Lucy Dog : August 1999 - April 17, 2009

As much as I am grieving,

As much as I am hurting,

I would choose you again

this same way.

I would choose my regrets and

guilt compounded tenfold

for the single happy memory of

your face looking up into mine.

Poetry Month 2009: a little setback

On my camera I have some shots of my lovely red scribbler -- photos I wanted to share -- but my new temporary computer isn't willing to allow me to transfer photos presently. Long sigh -- undisguised. Perhaps another time -- computer willing.

Today: a cinquain

Pencil
potentially poised
above empty space
impatiently awaits my muse
limply

(The girls and I worked together on cinquains which followed word rules - 1,2,3,4,1).