in the dark

I am fretful about my future life – my “after the kids are grown beyond needing me on a daily basis” life– it is a tangible niggling fret which pops up more and more frequently as I note the changing ages of each of my children. I look aimlessly and somewhat hopelessly through career sites looking for the magic answers to – what should I do, what would I be good at, what would I enjoy doing? Mostly I wonder what my talents are – everyone talks about their abilities and passions and gifts – and I am often stymied by the topic. I can never seem to put a finger on anything worthy of a label. I can do this and that and the other thing but what am I good at, best at? I wish there were some way to feed myself into the computer and have it complete a google search on “krina.”

I am not fishing for compliments or assurances of my abilities – I am fairly confident that I am not wholly without skills or talents I am just uncertain as to the exact nature of said skills and where they might best be applied. It is like groping through darkness hoping to find the light switch before you stub your toe.