Slowly I am pulling down and apart our lives – our seven and a half years of living in this small space which is now crowded with memories and books. It all seems to crumble in my hands exposing one long buried moment, memory or time after another – tiny pearls in my hand. My mind a giant sifting machine – sorting, gauging, prioritizing them all, keep this, toss that. Boxes of letters and cards with the precious names of those now past, piles of hand drawn gift from each of my four, their first hairs, first name scrawls – all backward and slanty – pride inducing. I keep some, more than I aught, but I recycle more than I want to, knowing there needs to be room in the boxes for future wonderment.
It all feels very familiar, this looking back and forward and yet it only comes with change. Death, moving, leaving – a rare opportunity to take it all in and gauge its wholeness. Despite the unfinished, unsightly bathroom backsplash, and carpeted eating area, and weak floor, we have been safe and warm here. I know every stair step, counting them like a hum in the back of my mind as I carry loads of laundry, up and down, and up again. I can find everyone in the beds without the aid of light or glasses, I know these paths, they are etched in my brain. I linger over them knowing that change is coming, with its awkward movings, and shuffling – from one shelf to another searching for the perfect spot for my spices, my bowls, my mixer.
I am preparing to set down these patterns and I feel a little at a loss as we prepare for another time of transition -- a crossing over from these days to those to come. I am eager to get to work breaking in new rhythms and settling in again. But these days (short days to be sure), I am sifting through the remains of this home – packing up all the memories one atop the other, wrapping them in paper.
Sounds more like a parenting post than a moving one as I read back over it. But again change comes in all its forms and washes over us – taking away and laying the ground for the new.
3 comments:
I am always amazed at how well you write. Not because I don't think you can but because it is a gift I do not possess. But hopefully a little encouragement from someone who has recently moved, It doesn't take nearly as long to map out the new terrain as you may think.
Hi - I just stumbled across your blog after I googled "introverted mom," mainly because I am one too. It was really nice and refreshing to read through some of your past posts. I'm slowly realizing the impact it is having on me w/two small boys (ages 2 1/2 and 6 months) and I'm trying to sort out how to balance the two needs to have them engage with the world and my need to have protected alone time.
ANYWAY, we just moved recently as well and are preparing to get rid of our old van here soon, and despite the fact that both of these places/things were ready for a change, there was a real process letting go, because no matter how beat up something is, familiarity is always nice.
Packing and moving between Thanksgiving and Christmas was no fun at all, but once all of our things got put away in our new place, it was really nice. But I can totally relate to the stress this type of transition can produce, what with all of the planning, the kids, the homeschooling, and the packing/unpacking. I hope it goes well for you!
So, dear one... how is life? Have you settled in? You've been on my heart lately... you are loved! And prayed for.
xo
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