the post where she doesn’t explain and just moves on as if no time has passed at all (almost)

Once more I wriggle out from under the weight of a season of celebration – her birthday, HIS birthday, his birthday, her birthday with a new year and St. Nicholas Day thrown in just for fun. I am relieved and exhausted and itching to scrub away the remnants, to emerge tender-skinned. So here I am again looking into this corner of my world wondering if once again I might find it a place where I may lay out a tiny portion of my world, for the sake of perspective and clarity.

First – the faces

Emma-Jane, 9

Sophie-Lynn, 8

Ineke, 6

Solomon, 5

Yes, those really are the faces and ages, takes my breath away a little when I realize that the last birthday posts I wrote are from two years ago. They mean it when “they” say it goes by fast. I have come no closer to accepting the quick passing of time, but I like to believe I am at least keeping pace in the parenting department, the heart is a slow learner.

As for me –- my hair is short, I have managed to pull my weigh down, am working toward pulling it down some more. It feels good, I feel more like me – I have a little better sense of who that is, and am feeling less in need of affirmation and more prepared to discover where I am headed. God and I are in discussion – I’ll let you know, sometime after He reveals it to me. My time is pretty much divided equally between the dishes, laundry, homeschooling, and walking the kids to activities. When I have a quiet moment, I try to make something, or read something, in anxious quiet moments I wonder about my life after … the ten year game isn’t so much fun anymore … I fret, I mourn, I go do more dishes.

I try to remember His command “Do not be anxious.”

I am still trying.